Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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