just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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