HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
