Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
