rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
