the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
