Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
