Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunk is not a location!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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