yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
