I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
