Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
