She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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