Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
