What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no you cant smoke seaweed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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