And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
