So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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