My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
