If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
