she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
