So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
