You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
