Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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