i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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