I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
