i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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