We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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