it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
