I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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