just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
