i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
