I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
