I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
