Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
