Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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