Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
