Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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