I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
