I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
