I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
