So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
