she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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