We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
