alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
