I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Gay?
German.
Pity.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
