he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
