We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
