I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
