Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
