Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
