I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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