Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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