I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
