So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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