Taylor Swift is so right about you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
