Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
